Out of the mouth of babes

This one takes me back to when my daughter was about 3 or 4. She's 12 now. I just happened to be in an AOL chat room and ran across someone I had went to high school with. We chatted online for a while before deciding to meet up. He said he had gained a few pounds since high school. Whatever. I had a kid, so I had gained some weight myself. We met up at a local park. A few pounds was a huge understatement! He weighed at least 400lbs I could have just drove off and never looked back but, I did the right thing. We chatted at the park for a while before heading to a bonfire of another classmate. I had already agreed to go to the bonfire, so again, I didn't want to be rude and back out. He then informs me that he can't drive and would need a ride. Oh brother.


I call for my daughter and we all head to my car. As I am buckling my daughter into her car seat he gets in the front passenger side of my car. The whole car shifts to the the one side. All of the sudden, my wonderful daughter says, "You're too fat to sit in my moms car!" I wanted to die, yet was trying not to laugh at the same time. I calmly told her that it wasn't nice to say things like that.


We continued on to the bonfire but I ended up leaving fairly early since I had my daughter. Even after my daughter said what she said, and me showing no interest in another date he still continued to message me about wanting to go out again. I ended up just blocking him. Blocking him was easier then telling him the truth.


By the way, that was the first, and the last time, I ever had my daughter with me when I met someone. I don't suggest it. Besides, you never know what they will do or say to embarrass you!

The story of "S" which just also happens to stand for Shady.

Ughh, this guy had me a mess. He was the first guy I had met since my sons dad. When he first messaged me I thought, wow, this guy is a little older but, he has his shit together. We messaged back and forth for a while and worked our way up to phone calls before meeting. Matter of fact, the first time he called me, he had just picked up a dead body.That was quite an interesting phone conversation.


We eventually met and hit it off right away. I saw him quite a bit at first, and we talked on a daily basis. He was even making plans for us during the summer, and wanting to help me with things. I was impressed. Well you know the saying, if it's too good to be true, it probably is. Yeah, it's true. He started making himself less available, didn't call as much, and wasn't answering his phone very often. The red flags went up. He just so happened to message a friend of mine on the website, unknowingly. I decided that two could play that game and made a fake profile (I know, bad idea!) to see if he would message it.  He sure did! He was interested in getting to know her and eventually asked her if she would like to meet. After a week of playing along I busted him out on it. He didn't like that at all. He tried telling me that he really liked me and he thought we had a good thing going. Really?! He had a funny way of showing it!  I finally just told him that I was done. Too bad I couldn't stick to it.


A few weeks went by and I received a text from him out of the blue. He was wanting to know  how I was doing and all that good jazz. I should have just ignored it but, I didn't. He was telling me how he would like to see me and that he had deleted his profile. Stupid me, I gave him another chance. When I was actually with him he treated me great and he would always open the car door, or any other door, and he would wait on me hand and foot at his place. What girl wouldn't love that?! Things were great at first, just like the last time. The only difference was that I had my guard up this time and wasn't going to allow him to hurt me. It was good while it lasted, then he showed his true colors again.


The kicker, I logged into the dating site, and there he was. He was one of my top matches! I'm nosy, so I look at the new profile. He lied about where he lives, his age, his job, his children, and his religion. Fine, whatever. However, if you're going to lie about everything on your profile, don't add your own photos, stupid!!! And to think, this one had a bachelors degree. As for his screen name "Peteshagnasty", I can assure you, there was nothing nasty about the way he shagged. In fact, it was pretty boring.

We'll just call him "J"

"J" is one of the newer fellas that I have encountered on the dating site. He's also pretty persistent, and honest when it comes to what he wants. He's also cute. Very cute. Normally I would just ignore messages like his. However, I had a couple drinks in me. Anyways, the messages go like this.....

J: Hi. You have great tits!
Me: Yes, I know. They're fabulous! Thanks for playing....
J:  Thanks for playing? That's it? That's all I get?
Me: Pretty much. What did you expect me to say, 'Hey, thanks, wanna screw?' I'm not that type of girl.
J: Oh, sorry

Whew. Oh wait, that wasn't the end of him. Just a few short hours later.

J: Why not kiss just one more toad before you meet a prince  (See post about headlines)
Me: I'm not looking for a piece of ass. I need to go, I'm heading out with some friends for my birthday.
J: Well you should come to Mr. Ed's and let me buy you a beer
Me: No thanks, I don't drink beer.

The rest of the night goes great. I got a tad drunk. I may have even kissed a random guy at the end of the night. Alright, alright...I did. I kissed him, and he was hot. That's not the point though. My DD finally gets my drunk a$$ back home and I feel the need to check my POF. Oh look, another message from "J"

J: You never showed up for a drink.
Me: I told you I wasn't.
J: I see in your profile that you love storms. I do too. There's a severe thunderstorm on the way. Maybe I should come over and we could ride the storm out together.
J, again: Did I mention, storms make me horny.
Me: Yes, I love storms. Again, I'm not interested.
J: You shouldn't be so uptight. Start with sex and go from there. If the sex is no good, then no sense in trying to start a relationship. Right? 

::Sigh:: And he wonders why he's single.

2 for 1: Do's and Don'ts and Just Be Honest

I'm not sure that I'll have many (single) men reading this but, this post is for you.


DON'T send a message that just says, "Hi" or "How are you"
DO send a message that consists of a whole sentence, used with proper grammar, and punctuation. It isn't a text message. Lets at least pretend like you have some sort of education. If their profile strikes you as interesting, or if you have things in common, start with that.


DON'T send messages like, "Hey sexy" "You have great tits" or "Sex?" It won't get you far. Unless they're easy of course, and looking for a piece of ass.
DO compliment them and show them that not all men are chauvinistic pigs.


Most of all, just be honest in your profiles. I have seen a lot of profiles where they state they are looking for a long term relationship, only to discover that once you start chatting that they're just interested in sex. Which is it? Didn't your parents ever teach you that honesty is the best policy? Man up, son.

Also, if you message someone and they don't respond, that doesn't mean you continue to message them in hopes that they will eventually become desperate enough to answer you. There is a block feature, and I know how to use it!

Headline check

Besides your photo, that's the first thing men see. Be very careful about what you put as a headline. As we all know, men can turn most anything into a perverted comment or statement of some type. Coming up with a good headline is tricky. I'm still working on it myself.

I can tell you to avoid the headline, "Did I shave my legs for this" It will result in some perverted messages. They may read something like this. "Can I help you shave your legs?"  "I would love to shower naked with you and help" "I actually like legs with a little stubble. It creates a little friction, if you know what I mean"  There was a lot more than those three. They just stick out the most. Those were all coming from men who I had never even spoke to before. They're keeping it classy, as you can see.


Another one that hasn't worked so well for me has been, "They say you have to kiss a lot of toads" Granted, this one hasn't been quite as bad as the first one. I've had a fella say, "I would love to meet you and kiss your lips. They look so kissable"  My most recent one, "Why not kiss just one more toad" There's a whole story behind that fella. I'll get to him in a later post. He was just good entertainment value.


If you know of a perfect headline, be sure to let me know. Please.

And so it begins

And so my journey in blogging begins. I've racked my brain for a couple of days trying to figure out where to start. I can't say I've had much luck with it, so just bear with me. No one said I was a professional writer.

As some of you may already know, I am single mom of 2 children. 2 fabulous children, (most days) I might add! Hence the whole reason for the dating blog. I will just say this, the dating world is not kind. Not a fan. Sometimes it seems life would be easier if I just stayed single. Men are really only good for one thing, and well, even that's debatable sometimes too. OK, more then one thing. Someone needs to unclog the toilet and mow the lawn ;o)

This blog will definitely be a work in progress, so be sure to check back for updates. You'll be guaranteed to laugh, whether it be with me, or at me. I can feel the wheels turning in my head.......